I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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