you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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