Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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