Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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