in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
