Moan for me like Helen Keller
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
