That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
