I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
