Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
