As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He better not be in your backpack
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
