You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
