we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
