I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
