Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize