Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
