When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
