$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
