Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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