why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
