Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
