Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
