Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
