If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
