He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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