did you get engaged???
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
