I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
