You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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