i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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