so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Operation Purity has been aborted
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
