I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
