Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
