And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
