and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
