worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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