Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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