Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
