I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
