oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You pole danced in your parka.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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