FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
