two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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