she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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