not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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