I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
