My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
