I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
