Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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