You just made me feel so damn special
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
