bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize