no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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