I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You're like the curious george of whores
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
