I want to make a zoo with you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
