Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
