idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
