why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
