so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
