wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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