Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
