I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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