Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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