the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
