his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
