get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
