i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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