I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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