you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
