Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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